Excuse Me, Is My Skirt Down In The Back?

I check the wind speed before I get dressed.  It occurred to me today, that probably, men don’t do that. Are you thinking it’s a hair issue? You’d be wrong. It’s a skirt/dress issue. No A-line skirts if the wind is picking up, because I kind of lose my mind if my dress or skirt starts flying up, while I’m walking down the street. I still wear dresses and skirts on windy days, but they are pencil skirts or straight shift dresses where only the hem might have the ability to fly up.

I have a little problem with the obsession I’ve been told. It has been described as a phobia.  If you are walking with me, I’m going to ask you if my skirt or dress is down in the back-wind or no wind-and maybe more than once. I can’t stop myself.  If I’m really feeling nervous about it and I’m alone, I will ask a stranger. “Is my skirt down in the back?” They don’t like it, in case you’re wondering.  I try to not do that much anymore, if I can help it and instead I try to get a glimpse of my reflection in a window of a building.  Yes, it’s down, phew.

 

 

I’m Not a Fan of Tattoos

I’m not a fan of tattoos. There I said it, I always feel a sense of sadness when I see one.  I admit there are some beautiful works on some bodies, but for the most part, I see disappointments. I think they fit on certain people but not many and for the most part I see them looking ridiculous for the type of person donning them.

I have rules in my head where a tattoo should be located and also the illustration. One big disappointment was to see someone, a male, in the financial field having a small four-leaf clover on his hip. I find that to be feminine, too feminine. I don’t like men having them on ankles or the small of his back either.

I wanted to gasp for air yesterday as I found out my niece got a tattoo on the small of her back. It wasn’t a small tattoo but two whole lines of writing covering her whole width of her back. What it said isn’t important but it was stupid, really stupid. She isn’t even 18 years old, so you can only imagine the immaturity of it. I’m usually not that judgmental about things but on this area I am and I can’t help myself. I’m not a fan of tattoos.

When Not Wearing Rose Tinted Glasses

Ever get into one of those moods where you think everyone looks terrible?  It’s a nice change from thinking I only look terrible and everyone else looks great.  Today my eyes have stripped everyone of their perfections and I’m seeing everything that’s wrong and I don’t even have my glasses yet.  Anyway they are for reading -not very useful for looking across the room.  It’s Thursday and everyone looks tired and maybe ate too much salty food last night or drank too much alcohol…bloated.  Everyone picked the wrong outfit and is having a bad hair day, bad skin day, forgot to wax, didn’t exfoliate enough -Or maybe it’s just the aftermath of paying the 1st of the month bills and how depressing it is to see what’s left.  Running in place, tied down, unable  to find change.  Today, I find myself not in envy of anyone.

I’m Trying A Fad Diet

Usually I have nothing to do with fad diets but I’m quite desperate now.  Today I’m starting on the 3 Day Diet.  It seems like nonsense but it’s 3 small meals, so I don’t feel any harm can come from trying it. I’ll blog again on Wednesday and report if there was any weight loss.  The confusing part of this diet is how you are supposed to be able to eat normal sized meals for the next 4 days with no snacking in between and I wonder how you don’t regain anything you lost the 1st 3 days?  After the 4 regular eating days;  you repeat the 3 day diet again and it’s supposed to change your metabolism.  I’ll let you know…my metabolism is messed up so if this can jump start it…then great!

Thoughts On How Sensei Diet Works For Me

I’ve been struggling a little bit getting started on the Sensei Diet.  The main culprit seems to be the shopping list since I chose to cook my own meals.  I substituted a lot of things or just left them out when I didn’t have them.  Yesterday I went to the store and tried to grab most of what I would need for the week and found I still fell short on ingredients when I tried to cook. 

My first criticism of the diet is the calorie listing for the foods.  I spent quite a bit of time in the bread isle trying to replicate the calorie totals for the bagels and english muffins but I couldn’t find any that matched.  I am wondering now if the calories they list for the food are ballpark figures.  This is how they list a bagel on the chart, 1.0 bagel 71 cal. so I assume they mean 1/2 of a mini bagel because 1 whole mini bagel is more like 120 if you buy Thomas’s bagels and then you can see how the calories still don’t add up.  They don’t list what brand they refer to but I looked at all the brands in my store and none matched the calories and I had same experience with the english muffins.

I wish they were more clear on the serving sizes.  They definitely need to tell you the serving is 1/2 of a mini bagel if that is what it is, instead of listing 1.0 bagel which will definitely lead to mistakes of eating a whole mini bagel.  The only reason I even fathomed you only get a half a bagel is when I went through the menu and noticed sometimes you get 2.0 bagel, which I assume means you get both halves and not 2 whole bagels, because that would be crazy. The calorie listing of items like apples 53 cal seems off to me also.  I would  like tha calorie totals to be put in ranges instead of  just one whole  total number, that way I would know I am not ruining my chances of this diet working-otherwise I am wasting my time here.

Another criticism I have is a website issue and how it times out and you have to sign in again even after only a half hour of being idle.  I really have a low tolerance for websites like this.  I know it’s necessary on banking sites but for a diet site?  It’s a major aggravation to me, as I cook something and run back to check out directions only to find I have to sign in again.  Another glitch I found was when I clicked on an item to get an alternative, I found many times the wrong food item would pop up with the alternatives to that item instead of the item I clicked, example: I needed a substitute for a banana but when I clicked on the word banana I was taken to a page that had the substitutes for the bagel and this happened multiple times but like all glitches-not every time!

The next part I have issues with is when I want to change a meal out to another meal.  It is easy enough to do; you just click change meal, but only 6 choices pop up when actually there are a lot more choices.  If you click on one of the 6 choices, and then click change meal again there will be other choices but still only 6 at a time.  I find this to be a major flaw because I’m not patient.  They should give you all the meal choices for breakfast, lunch and dinner at one time.  If anything causes me to quit this diet, it will probably be this feature of the diet.  I don’t have that kind of patience to keep clicking on 1 of 6 choices at a time and then have to do it over and over; just tell me all at once what I can have and let me deal with it. 

So my feeling today is that I’m frustrated with this diet.  Some things don’t make sense like the calorie totals listed on the menu compared to the calories I find on actual food in the store.  Serving sizes aren’t that clear and there is much room for error. I don’t think I am nit-picking either because how many of us have gotten ourselves into trouble with our weight by not realizing that we are actually eating 2 servings when you miss that a package contains 100 calories but wait…there are 2 servings in a package so you actually ate 200 calories!  Yes, this little detail means a lot. Do I get a whole mini bagel or just 1/2 a mini bagel?  I’m guessing a  half but it wasn’t openly clear.  The bottom line is that I have a deadline for losing some of this weight so I’m not sure I will continue this diet, because I’m not sure I’m following it correctly and I feel like I’m throwing valuable time away if I’m not.

Review Sensei For Weight Loss App

Today, I downloaded the Sensei For Weight Loss App on my iphone for $1.99.  I plan on keeping track of my thoughts on this program while I’m doing it.  I signed up on my phone and went through the short question section easily, but I was a little confused when I didn’t get to choose what type of diet I preferred, like when I saw it on the demos.  I then went online and checked on my laptop what type of diet I ended up following and it was the Mediterranean diet, which is what I wanted.  I guess you get that plan when you choose to cook your own meals instead of picking fast food or frozen food.  Idk, one of the choices was quick and easy-this part wasn’t straight forward to me.

When choosing your meals you get a screen to eliminate foods you know you won’t eat.  I’m a pretty open eater so the only food I prefer not have is nuts and seeds so I checked that choice to not include in my diet, but if you don’t want pork or beef, you can definitely cut those out of the diet.  One food item I don’t want in my diet is soy because I seem to have a negative reaction to it but there wasn’t a choice to eliminate it and actually I’m not even sure it will be an issue on a Mediterranean diet.  I will write about it if it ever comes up and I notice you can completely change any meal, skip etc. and it looked like you can favorite foods you like and substitute quickly for a favorite meal.  I will definitely be doing that and I will write how easy that is to do when I finally do it.

The next section I went to online was the exercise section, maybe it can be set up on the phone but I didn’t see it and it didn’t pop up to cue me…sooo it escaped me.  I liked the drag and drop feature of setting up your workout but the choices are slim pickings.  There was a link to click if you didn’t see your exercise and a chart there to substitute a similar exercise -so for jump roping I use the elliptical icon.  The inability to use your actual activity is a bit disappointing but I just think of it as a placeholder for whatever I’m doing.  I suppose if I want, I can use another app to really log my exercise accurately and I might end up doing that, but this app lacks that great feature.

I feel hopeful being able to stick to this Mediterranean diet because that is the kind of food I like to eat and at least I won’t feel guilty I’m not eating healthy.  When I’ve followed a Mediterranean diet before, what ended tripping me up was the lack of organization;  I just couldn’t get the recipes and ingredients together-too many choices and confusion.  The shopping list  creator should be a big help. 

In the end what I want to find out is if I can lose weight on this plan.  I’m not overweight but I want to lose 15 lbs and that will make me pretty thin.  The trick is to find a way to get your body to let go of the last bit of weight it refuses to let go of and that is completely different story than losing weight when you are overweight.  I want to find out if this diet can do that. I’m not going to tell my starting and ending weight because I hate saying numbers like age and weight, but I will say the number of lbs I gain or lose.

There are still many parts of the plan and app I have not used yet and I still have a lot of questions, so I’ll keep updating when I make these discoveries.

The Forever Mr. Irresistible

 One very big problem is my crappy excuse for a vacuum cleaner.  It’s more like an electric broom, if I’m being honest, but really it’s almost useless. I went over a sesame seed bit about 20 times and still it wouldn’t suck it up and then I just bent down it plucked it into the trash.   I’ve been Swiffering the heck out of the place and then using a little hand broom to get any holdouts.  Last night I ordered one of those Dyson vacuums, hoping it helps me out.  I don’t have carpet but these are supposed to work on all floor surfaces and omg, the price.  I tried not to think about what clothes that would buy because it would be tempting…but the dust  has to go. I am repulsed by it and it isn’t healthy anyway.

I’m recovering from my clothes shopping trip yesterday-very rough. I need warm weather clothes.  The mirrors and lighting in the fitting room at Ann Taylor are very forgiving as well as Banana  Republic, but Nordstrom!  Nordstrom has nice fitting rooms but looking at yourself is like seeing a promotional clip from a horror movie.  Every flaw, every single ripple, discoloration, you name it.  One look in the mirror and my eyes wide with horror, mouth open in disbelief, wtf- I had no idea that I looked this bad.  I mean I have a mammoth 7 ft mirror in my bedroom right next to the windows and I have stood there naked in natural light and have never seen that sight before.  Funny how I didn’t see it an hour before in the other fitting rooms. 

Now I have to see what I can salvage of my body before I take a trip to the beach.  Yes, I’m going to the beach, even though I am not a beach person.  The swimsuit issue has me a little unnerved.  I knew I had issues before but never issues like I saw yesterday. blech.

A couple of days ago my special friend who I said I wasn’t going to see anymore texted and wanted to get together.  I said no, but then I said maybe in a few days.  So today we were supposed to get together but he texted yesterday that he only had a small window of time and asked if I would be ok with that and I said -prob not -that’s it, that’s all I said.  About 45 minutes later he got back with some excuses and I don’t mean that in a negative way-it’s just he tried to explain.  I didn’t text back.  I’m thinking that was the final curtain call.  I did get the idea from previous experiences with him that he’s bothered if he thinks you’re disappointed in him, so I half expect to hear from him.  If I do hear, he will hit the topic head on-am I upset with him?  The answer is no.  I really didn’t want to see him, but at the same time I always want to see him.  He is irresistible and I think I’ve made that clear.  I think it  is probably a good time to bring it to a conclusion since we hardly ever see each other.  I think the relationship has run its course, not that I won’t miss it, but as I lay soaking in a bubble bath last night I kept thinking…I’m tired, I’m so tired.

What’s a Good Day Anyway? I Forget

Knowing how unreliable I’ve become; I didn’t set a timeline for when I would hand over my ideas for a project.  I had a terrible time just getting ideas and I think it went almost 3 weeks before I finished.  I might have been more like 2.5 weeks but who’s counting?  I didn’t know anything about the person who asked me to work on this project so I had no idea if this time lag was offensive to him.  I felt like not setting a timeline gave me some leverage because I wouldn’t be missing a deadline and definitely I would have missed it if I had said 1 week. 

I’m not happy about this and I wasn’t trying to be sly in what I did, but I’m in trouble.  I know I’m not capable of completing a task like I used to do and every single day that went by without it being completed was a day ruined.  I have been half sick over it.   It’s finished now.  I presented my work professionally and I definitely have nothing to be ashamed of in my craftsmanship or ideas.  If my work doesn’t suit him then it’s because my work doesn’t suit him, not because it wasn’t good enough.   

I’ve also made a decision not to see someone anymore.  This relationship has turned out  to be not very beneficial to me.  I felt more lonely and I ended up questioning if he had any interest in me other than sex.  Feeling insecure about myself is the last thing I needed.  It’s a terrible feeling to look at myself and see every single flaw and wonder how this near perfect person could want me.  I began to look at myself in the mirror and say it has to be  for the sex, he couldn’t want this body…this face.  It’s over and I don’t think he’ll care very much. I wish he cared but the reality probably is that he doesn’t.  I’m not going to get hurt over this, not this time.

Sashay, Sashay

Did I ever tell you the real reason I stopped using Bag  Borrow or Steal?  It had nothing to do with Bag Borrow or Steal, I think their company works pretty well.  It all had to do with a realization during a Saturday morning train ride of who I really am as a person.  And I’m not that.

Late one Saturday morning three 30 something women got on the train a stop after me and though they were together  sat in 3 different seats-what I mean is “not together”, which is no big deal because this is a free country except when more people got on the train; they took a seat next to the women.  What could be wrong with that, you ask?  I saw the one woman actually look down her nose at the woman who took the seat next to her, as if, eww, why are you sitting next to me? Now I’m entranced with these women, I mean if whomever sits with you is a problem, then sit with your freaking friend, right?

Now that they had my attention, the second thing that popped out at me was the women’s flaunting of their designer garb.  All had the oversized Chanel sunglasses, which looked stupid on all 3.  One brandished a huge Gucci belt. All 3 had expensive designer handbags.  I could forgive all except for their conversation and that’s what made everything unforgivable.  Seeing that they sat apart and  one sat across the train aisle; it meant they had to talk loud, so all of us in the car fell victim to their conversation.

One was particularly vile to me as she insulted a co-worker relentlessly mostly because of his weight.  She even went as far as to bloat her cheeks and do a little skit imitating him.  Her friends giggled and that’s another thing that galls me, when grown women think they have to cackle at every phrase someone says, because after-all it’s Saturday and they are all out to have fun and that’s what fun IS-giggling all over the place.

The conversation continued and they began to discuss their hired help-meaning housekeepers.  One had lost hers and she needed another, so the most gruff one recommended hers.  “Is she key worthy?”  the housekeeperless inquired.  “I gave her my key.”  the gruff one replied, while shrugging her shoulders.  Now the key worthy part was just  like running a hot blade down my spine and I felt the acid rise up in my throat.

The most gruff one began to criticize the tall thin one about using coupons….she didn’t find it cool.  All this almost made me yearn for the monthly lunatic  encounter,

~like the one day when a man took over our car ranting, “Obama, don’t like none of y’all, ok.”  Then encapsulated the woman behind me in her seat insisting she was Hilary Clinton and why wasn’t she at work-even though the woman was African-American and well…scared.  She only weighed probably 102 lbs and this man was about 6’3 and a massive hunk of crazy.  I visualized he had a machete hidden somewhere and would soon take it out and cut us all down. ~

But these women were less likable than that man, is the point I want to make.

So what in heaven’s name does all this have to do with Bag Borrow or Steal anyway?  What imprinted on me  most was their display of designer wear and how I couldn’t get it out of my mind how they might be posers using Bag Borrow or Steal because they couldn’t really afford it, like me.  At the time I was also a poser; because I was sporting my ultra cool bracelet from Bag Borrow or Steal-that indeed, I could not afford.  Then the hens came home to roost.  I, sitting there on the train realized who I was.  I cannot afford Chanel, I cannot afford Prada and lastly don’t really like the flaunting of the brand logos as if you are something special.  I don’t really like status symbols- I confess.  So why would I ever pretend I could afford them and use Bag Borrow and Steal’s service to make it look like I could?  That is not me.  I didn’t want to be “those” women.  Maybe they owned their shit outright but I couldn’t help but think if they were that well off why weren’t they driving their beamer or luxury Mercedes and not slumming it on the subway?  It didn’t matter, because they were everything I never wanted to be.

I started thinking how I’ve always bought from independent artists and why would I want to change that?  I was doing pretty well with my choices.  I get a profuse amount of compliments  on my handbags and jewelry.  At the Christmas party in December the compliments didn’t stop about my necklace bought from an artist on Etsy.  I think I’m doing pretty well on my own, without the  help of the top names dictating what is chic.  It’s mostly men who like my handbags, they especially like my messenger bag with the cool rabbit from Alice in Wonderland but it’s not the 1st bag they’ve stopped me to have a conversation about. It happens a lot.  Sure it could be all contrived to be an opening line, but I think there are too many of them choosing to have a conversation about my bag for it not to be about my bag.

My stop finally came and though I could have taken the other door where I wouldn’t have had to sashay in front of the 3 women,  that wouldn’t have been fun. So, sashay I did.  I knew on that particular day that I looked better than any of them and it was affirmed by their sudden silence as I waited by the door to exit. All without the labels except for my rented Pianegonda Bracelet, which I didn’t even think shouted designer piece.  I heard no  incessant giggling. All was right with the world once again. When I got back home, I went straight to my closet shelf, removed the small box, took off my bracelet, carefully packed it, printed The Bag Borrow or Steal label and dropped it off at the UPS store.  So there’s the real reason.

Filler Update and Beauty Products That Don’t Break the Budget

Today my face is looking pretty good after the filler injections yesterday afternoon.  I’m really, really sore though.  The bruising is pretty minimal so just feeling sore is an ok tradeoff.  Interestingly enough , I don’t think the injections caused the soreness, but from the hard scrubbing the doctor did before the injections, probably to get the blood flowing to the area.  Then the pressure you have to apply during the injections and also the doctor does a lot of pressing in the end to sculpt the filler nicely into place.  Your face really isn’t used to being treated this way and for me never! So today I feel like the day after a bad dental appointment.

The other interesting effect was how oily my face was yesterday evening.  I normally have pretty dry skin but all the massaging must have activated oil production.  That is really pretty interesting and I’m wondering if massaging my face would be beneficial.  I would describe my skin last night looking like I had been out in the snow all day.  I think the Novocaine they apply first really gives you a windburned look.  The nurse said it would wear off in an hour…try around 8.  That’s exactly how I am with the dentist…still numb at midnight after an afternoon dental appointment.

One product I’ve recently picked up is the Body Butter by Missha.  It is phenomenal.  I  use it on my legs and it is amazing for smoothing the skin and long-lasting.  The price is unbelievably reasonable, under $5.00!  I think a couple jars I bought were $3.00.  Missha has a great product line and it doesn’t bust my budget.  I’ve been impressed with all my choices but it’s so refreshing to not spend $300 for a moisturizer thinking it will work a miracle and then find it out it doesn’t.  It’s one of those areas where if you dig deep enough; you will eventually find a treasure.

I have 2 other home run products Smashbox Photo Finish Primer Light and bareVitamins Prime Time Eyelid Primer made by bareMinerals.  The Smashbox Photo Finish really leaves your foundation looking sleek and it will still look that way at the end of the day.  I’ve used other primers but so far this one is the best.  I use my Missha moisturizer first and then apply the primer.  I know the directions might say to use the primer first but I’ve had the best results when using the moisturizer first.

Next the bareVitamins Prime Time Eyelid Primer, it really works.  This is the first eyelid primer that actually works for me.  My eyeliner stays put all day and my mascara is not leaving smudges under my eyebrow anymore.  I normally am not a fan of the bareMinerals line;  it doesn’t work on my skin, even the foundation primer was disappointing, so I was skeptical to try the eyelid primer.  I use the primer after my foundation and have impressive results, so glad I gave this line another shot.  One caveat, you will have to use eye makeup remover to get your liner off because the primer  really sets it.

Part of the Herd

The article said the actress didn’t have an eating disorder, well at least it said that her family “said” she didn’t have an eating disorder.  I doubt it.  Don’t most of us women have an eating disorder?  If we are honest about it?  I know I do have one but it’s not like I’m endangering myself.  I’m just obsessed with what goes into my body and what it does to it. I do unhealthy things sometimes to lose weight and I feel as if I’m  like just about every female out there. I want to be thin.

The article said she weighed 115 lbs, but she looked like she weighed a lot less.  115 is around my weight and I look nothing like that, so I’m skeptical about the truth of  her numbers.  Her height is less than mine so that’s not it.  I’ve weighed less than that and I still didn’t look as thin as she did.  I don’t see the shame in admitting she had a thing about being thin.  Most people don’t naturally look like that, some do, but most not.  2 of my sisters used to get made fun of because they were so skinny. One would eat huge bowls of ice cream trying to gain weight to no avail; the other was ridiculous and still is about food.  She probably does have an eating disorder.  I don’t think either one has an attractive body, but then they think I’m fat…even though I weigh about the same as an actress accused of being too thin…you can’t win.  It’s just a difference they chose to try and make me feel bad about myself.  I don’t look like a skeleton dressed in  a garment, but I feel thinner than most people around me when I’m out.  It’s not a surprise that I haven’t spoken to either for over 3 years. 

All of this has nothing to do with the reason I was going to write here; after much contemplation, I got some filler injections today.  It ended up costing a whole lot more than what I expected.  A lot more than my initial consultation.  Ahh, well, that’s life right?  I thought I would get Juvederm but this doctor wasn’t the same doctor who did my consultation, even though it was the same practice;  he injected Perlane, which I’ve never heard of.  Initially I’m very happy with how it looks.  I have a little bruising but it is much less than what I thought it would be.  I didn’t feel self- conscience riding the subway afterward and didn’t think anyone was staring like I had been in an accident or knew I had injections.  I even stopped at the store for a few things on my way home.   I’m just a little sore.  I like the results, very cute.